I Got This!!!!

Where do I begin? Truth is I’m disappointed in myself and last night while in the shower, I just started thinking which led to my feelings and then led into a mini breakdown. I CRIED, I PRAYED, I listened to what my heart was telling me and I PRAYED AGAIN. I know you’re wondering, but why are you disappointed in yourself? I guess it starts out by not being where I want to be in life. I know I haven’t failed but at times I feel as if Iam failing. I know Iam BLESSED & Iam not saying that Iam not happy because I am but to a minimum. I don’t want to be happy to a minimum, I want to be completely happy within myself & out but how is that going to happen if Iam not where I want to be in life.

Now the only person responsible for where you are in life is YOURSELF! No one else can do the work for you and TRUST ME I know that but I haven’t been doing the work. I haven’t, everything I had planned to do since January 1st, you know “ NEW YEAR, NEW GOALS” BS, I Haven’t done SHIT. Well maybe a little but a little to me means I HAVEN’T done SHIT!!!!! From losing the baby weight, starting a new blog, finishing up TWO BOOKS, coming out with CIY merchandise, networking and connecting more, NOPE, I haven’t done SHIT. It’s not like I don’t want to do it, I do. I think about my goals EVERYDAY but the “I’ll do it tomorrow” is one of my BIGGEST downfalls because here I am, Months later and I haven’t done SHIT. Here is an example, “WRITE a blog every week Yanika” is what I tell myself and here I am writing a blog and the last blog I posted was 2 weeks ago. So here I am posting a blog once a month which wasn’t my plan. I know I have to make time and find a way to balance it all out. I can do it, I can make time but the “ I’ll do it tomorrow” kicks in. Tomorrow Isn’t promise and my goals is genuinely important for me to achieve but I don’t know what’s going on, one thing is for sure despite not knocking down my goals one by one and making them a reality, I  haven’t GIVING UP and I don’t plan to. 

I know that’s what keeps me going, I refuse to give up. I know I love to inspire others and that’s what I want to do in life but at times the person that inspire others, needs inspiration themselves. I want more, Can you blame me for wanting more? I want a job where I don’t feel stuck, I want to have a house so my son can run in his own backyard, I want my mother to stop working, I want to be a best seller author selling out books world wide but iam not doing the work necessary for me to achieve those goals. I know what I need to do and I know I have to work hard to get what I want. 

Iam not complaining about how things are now, I’ve learned not to complain and still be thankful for what I do have at this very moment because things could be worse. Iam healthy, I do have a job that pays the bill, I do have a roof over my head despite it not being my own, I do have a supportive mother that is beyond amazing, I do have a beautiful and healthy son that is beyond everything that I ever expected in a son, and he keeps me going, I do have love and Iam thankful for him, I do have a brand that Iam Proud Of. I may not be where I want to be with my brand but I know with God By my side, I will be one day, I do have a handful of friends that I trust and family so life is good. 

    ("The path that scares you the most is usually the one that liberates you the most." Pic By         oooh_yes on IG)

I know this disappointment in myself won’t last forever, I won’t allow it. I know I need to do the work, I know that I know that I have to keep on pushing while praying and believing. God is amazing and I know he isn’t done with me yet and the same goes for you. Life isn’t easy and we shouldn’t make it more complicated. We just have to keep pushing and keep believing in ourselves as well as the man above. I needed to let that cry out last night in the shower, my soul needed it. It’s crazy cause once I got settled in bed, the first post I saw on IG was from Monica ( the singer) and it was everything that I needed to see, it was a reminder from God. When I pray, I always ask God to show me signs and he always does. 

But anyways she posted a post saying “ THE PROCESS OF PROGRESS IS A PROCESS” with the caption which nailed it for me saying “Nothing happens overnight and nothing happens without a reason!!! The process isn’t typically fast nor is it easy. Patience and purpose will all pay off for you....Everything that’s for you has YOUR NAME on it...Don’t rush the process” When I say this was everything that I needed, I just wanted to hug and kiss her for posting this message exactly when I needed it. 

I have work to do, I have to keep going because I know, I feel it in my heart that better days are coming. I just have to keep on pushing. The books I want to write will get written, the blog I want to start will happen, the house for my son will be purchased, my mom being able to not go to work will happen, it will. So no matter how you may feel, PRAY, HAVE PATIENCE, BELIEVE &Don’t Give Up. If you have to cry it out, then let it out. Don’t be ashamed for feeling how you’re feeling, it’s ok. We are humans and we have feelings but the BEST IS YET TO COME for you. There is no time limit and there is no race, you are exactly where you are meant to be and what is meant for you will be. 

                      A Confident Love From Me To You 

                                     Xoxo, Yanika 

A seat at the table.

Exactly a week ago, On May 4, 2018 one of my many dreams came true by being a KEY SPEAKER at Columbia University. I repeat a KEY SPEAKER at one of the best colleges around the world, COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY for a segment called " A seat at the table" where I would share my journey as being a writer and becoming an author. This year I made a promise to myself especially after reading Shonda Rhimes book ""The year of YES", I made a promise that no matter what I will not make excuses and say "Yes" to every opportunity that comes my way. I have daily conversation with God about where I want to be, my purpose as well as asking him for  guidance when it comes to making my goals a reality. Lately I've been talking to him more than ever and each and every time I ask him to show me a sign, he does which reminds me to keep on going and to never give up because my time will come when it's suppose to. I have realized that everything in life happens on God's plan and not when you want it to happen.

When my friend Howie texted me a few weeks ago asking me what I was doing on May 4th, I honestly thought it was for us to hang out. I never expected him to ask me to be a key speaker at an event he was putting together for Columbia University Journalism along side his team NABJ ( National association of Black Journalists). I was elated and I told him right away " YES", I wasn't going to make any excuses despite the fact I haven't done any speaking engagements in over a year and a half. I knew right there and then when he asked me, it was another sign from God reassuring me to KEEP ON GOING. I was nervous and thought of a million ways on how to deliver my speech but truth is BEING MYSELF is the only way I can say it how it is while giving my all.

                                                                      ( Howie & I ) 

I didn't have anything written down, I just kept reminding myself that " YOU GOT THIS". On my way to Columbia University, time wasn't on my side. I was praying that I made it and I knew I would even if I was going to be late. From a car accident on the way there to traffic, I made it on the grounds of Columbia and walking into the Journalism building. Within a few seconds after walking into the room where the event was being held, Howie introduced me and I was like the time is now. I was nervous but than I remember that " I got this" and to give it my all. One thing is for sure, this is MY PASSION, MY PURPOSE and I Know God got my back so I gave it my all and I left everyone that was in that room inspired. 

From what inspired me to be a writer, how I became a writer and an author, my highs and lows, I poured my heart and I was myself which is exactly what I wanted and wanted everyone to see, hear and feel. Being a key speaker at Columbia University was honestly a dream come true and something I will remember for the rest of my life. Being there inspired me more and made me realize that being a public speaker and sharing my story is something I want to do more of in the near future. Despite what I may go through, I know there is some type of story that I can share to inspire others and to say "YES' to anything amazing that comes my way because I know that it's God working.

Believe in yourself enough to go for everything that you dream of and never doubt yourself for anything that you believe in. You have to go for it if you want it to be yours and give it your all. Columbia showed me that even if I wasn't going to be a graduate from there but I was part of an amazing event that gave me an opportunity to share my story and that to me felt like I received a degree from Columbia. Never underestimate yourself and chase what your heart desires always. Always remind yourself that "YOU GOT THIS".


                                            A Confident Love From Me to You
                                                            xoxo, Yanika