Letter To My Broken Heart.

To Whom It May Concern: 

As much as you don't want to cry, it hurts. You start thinking of all the good times you guys shared so you don't have to cry. The truth is the memories you shared with him isn't going to heal this heart that is breaking silently into pieces. You trusted him, you believed in him, you put your guard down and gave him all of you with promises that he will never hurt you.  You're scared but you know your worth. As you tell your best friend  how much you love him, part of you is wondering if he is even in love with you anymore. You think of your past and how you shared it with him so you don't have to repeat it in the future with him. Without him even knowing you're taking steps back into your past. The tears start flowing, your heart is beating fast. There goes the pain that he promised he won't ever make you feel. Was it you? What did you do wrong? Millions of questions is flowing though your mind, none of them you have the answers to. What went wrong?. You did everything you could for this to work, your heart is aching from knowing reality is that this is over. How can something you believed in and put your whole heart and soul into be over. How? Why? Is it really over?. Long nights of telling him your fears and how scared you are to put your guard down, only for him to say "Trust Me".  You trusted him, "I fucking trusted you", you yell. All of the dreams you envision to share with him are now out the window. Why? How? You know you guys can make it but is it worth it. You love him entirely with your whole being, your first love and the best you ever had but the memories won't be enough for you to hold on. Your heart is aching, the tears are flowing. Does he even care? His pride won't let him show it. You don't want to give up but his actions are telling you to do otherwise. You come first and as much as it hurts, you have to do what's best for you. One day it will all make sense and that's when he will realize how much of something great he lost.  You trusted him, and all he gave you was broken promises and a broken heart. How? Why? You will never know, all you will do is pray and move on. 

Love, Self 

    A Confident Love From Me To You

                      Xoxo Yanika 

Confident In My Lingerie!

It's a beautiful night and you want to do something special for him. So many ideas are flowing through your mind, you want to do something you have never done before. You want to show how much you appreciate him and let him know that you admire everything that he does for you. As you're cleaning up, you come across a sexy red lingerie you brought to wear for him but never did because your insecurities got in the way. You stare at it and then put it on. As you look in the mirror , you're thinking to yourself that your  rolls and your stomach are showing from the material being see through. You instantly shake the negative thoughts away and look in the mirror one more time and yell "Confidence is Me, I look good". My Confident Dolls let go of your negative thoughts, if you keep letting your insecurities in the way of things you will never be happy. LET THEM GO! 

You finally decide to cook his favorite meal followed by you giving him a full body massage. (If he is good to you be good to him, CATER TO YOUR MAN GIRL). As you are preparing his favorite  meal (Steak, lobster, corn on the cob, mash potatoe etc) you light up some candles to set up the mood right even more with some of your favorite R&B music playing in the background. While the food is on the stove, you get yourself ready. You decide to wear a nice dress that he had purchased for you while being in Vegas together and then put on the sexy red lingerie a little bit later while giving him his massage. It's almost 7pm, he will be here any minute. As you wait you text him that the door is already open and to follow instructions. My Confident Dolls any man loves a surprise and being catered to, think outside the box and make it a memorable night for him to remember. The first instruction was for him to go take a shower without coming to look for you, then to get dressed and come in the living room where you had set it up in a Egyptian style for dinner. A few minutes later you hear the door open as told he went into the bathroom. As you hear the shower running, you quickly put the final touches to what was going to be an amazing night ahead . 20 minutes later as he  approaches the living room, you smile. This is definitely the man you love, he is amazed by everything. 

Everything went great, you both enjoyed the food and most of all enjoying each other company, having deep conversations of the  future together. After 2 hours of enjoying each other, it was time for the real enjoyment. You tell him to go in the bedroom and you  will be there in just a few minutes after cleaning up. The massage oils were already set up and your sexy red lingerie ready for him to see.  As you're   almost done cleaning up, he tells you to hurry up. A few minutes later as you put on the lingerie the insecurities start to pop up again and this time you feel  as if the night won't end in the little red sexy lingerie. 

My confident Dolls, I've been there so I know how it feels when your insecurities are getting in the way of you wanting to wear something sexy for your man or even yourself. But what is really stopping you? This is a person you love and obviously he feels the same about you  if he is with you. PUT YOUR INSECURITIES AWAY & PUT YOUR CONFIDENCE ON.  What are you so afraid of? Why give him the temple if you are afraid to show it to him? So you rather have sex with him with your clothes on but not with it off? Does that make any sense? It doesn't make sense but when I didn't have any confidence at all, it made sense to me. I was so afraid to show the man I love all of me and all of what I was capable of doing. See the assholes I dealt with in the past didn't care if I wore lingerie or better yet got naked for them. All they cared about was getting my goodies by the end of the night. I don't want you to be in a relationship with anyone that doesn't make you feel comfortable or inspire and motivate you to be confident. My boyfriend as of today for the last year and a half makes me feel comfortable each and every time we are together and tells me to take it all off so he can see all of me. 

It took a while for me to open up to him but I then realized  I love the person that I am and I love the body that Iam in and if someone couldn't accept all of me then he wasn't the one for me. And the same goes for you as well. There is nothing wrong with being SEXY for your man and giving him your own remix to Beyoncé "Partition". Be the girl that you man dreamed of having, I know you are that girl. If we continue living based of are insecurities, we wouldn't be happy. It took awhile for me to realize as I said before that I was worth it and I needed to be with someone who saw the Queen in me. A lot of us stay in situations that we aren't happy in because we are afraid to let our insecurities go. Iam Guilty, I felt if I leave I wouldn't find someone to love me as I am. Not only do I love who I am but I also found someone to love me the same and the same can go for you. 

"Baby where are you", your mind is racing back and forth. 30 minutes later you hear that he turned on the video games. Do you want his attention to be on something else instead of you? This is the man you love and just spent hours talking about sharing your future with him so why are you afraid? As you look in the mirror one more time, you think to yourself and whisper "Confidence Is Me". You slowly walk to the other room and tell him "turn the game off, I have something else for you to play with it" ( Be Confident, Be Freaky). He follows direction, the room is dark so you go behind and blindfold him. A few seconds later, Beyoncé "Partition" beat drops, you're nervous but this is the man you love. As you start dancing, you tell him to take off the blindfold. He smiles and says "You look amazing baby" and that was the start to an amazing night. 

My Confident Dolls, Be the women I know you want to be. Don't let your insecurities stop you. Stop being afraid of showing your all especially to a man you love. Keep in mind that all guys aren't the same, it's probably an asshole that didn't see your potential and your worth and that's ok. You now know your worth so don't settle for less than what you deserve. I don't care if he is Jay-Z, if he isn't treating you right, then LET HIM GO! STOP SETTLING!!! Queens Don't Settle. I know it's not easy giving your all to someone especially if you have been hurt in the past but you can't live in the past. 

Give your flowers to someone you know who deserves them. Be confident, Let your alter ego be Beyoncé and give him that blossoming body of yours. Make his night special and enjoy his ride. ❤️

      A Confident Love From Me To You

                     Xoxxo Yanika