Messiah Mommy

August 31 marked 3 months since I gave birth to my bundle of joy and these past 3 months have been the happiest moments of my life. During my pregnancy I didn't blog or even write anything for that matter, I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancy to the fullest. It was a brand new experience for me and I wanted to make every second of it count. Iam shock myself that I didn't blog about my pregnancy but the one thing I love about writing is that you can always write about what happen in the past, present or in the future. My pregnancy was beyond amazing, I had an amazing pregnancy from beginning to end. I didn't have any morning sickness, I didn't throw up not once, I was good. I was tired most of the time which is normal, I was tired all day and night but besides my pregnancy was good. 

During my pregnancy I didn't feel like myself meaning I didn't want to dress up, I didn't want to put makeup on, I didn't want to do anything with myself but to put on some leggings, a tshirt, some sneakers and call it a day. I just wanted to be comfortable but I have to admit I wasn't too confident. Don't get me wrong, I truly enjoyed my body transforming to bring life into this world. I enjoyed being pregnant but the simple fact I didn't feel like dressing up or doing anything with myself just made me lack confidence. 

There were times, I didn't even feel pretty at all. Part of me was beating myself up, I felt like I worked to hard to be who I am and to be confident and now I don't even feel like either. But it hit me one day when I looked at myself in the mirror and suddenly he kicked me. I took that as a reminder that it's ok that I don't feel like dressing up and putting on makeup. What mattered the most is that I was going to give birth to my son who is going to love me unconditionally and see me and accept me for who I am. 

After giving birth,  I was back to myself literally a few days after. I was ready to " look cute" as I would put it. In the midst of being back to myself, I felt more confident. I felt better then I ever felt before and I love it. I used to hate myself and it took a while for me to accept every inch of me. But now that I gave birth to a child, Iam more in love with my body than I ever been before in my whole entire life. I gained  weight but that's ok, got some extra few stretch marks but that's ok, my butt got bigger and that's ok. 

I wouldn't trade getting pregnant for anything in the world and here I am 3 months later loving myself more than I ever did before. Iam more confident and I appreciate all the changes my body had to make for my son. I am and forever will be my best title...MESSIAH MOMMY.  

A Confident Love From Me To You

             Xoxo, Yanika 

Happiness

Take a second and ask yourself this question, " Am I genuinely happy?". It started about 6 years ago when I started asking myself this question practically each and everyday after my therapist asked me that same exact question. At first I didn't have an answer to it, I was stuck. I wanted to say yes but then I would be lying not only to her but to myself as well. The truth is I wasn't genuinely happy, I was ok with how things were but I knew I could make things better for myself. I knew my happiness mattered and by any means I had to do what I had to do to make myself happy. 

The problem with some of us is that we are scared to make a change  and go after what our heart desire. Some of us are in situations that we know isn't right for us but stay thinking there will be a change. I know for a fact and I wrote about it before, I stayed in a relationship I knew wasn't right for me. I knew he wasn't the one  for me but I kept telling myself " who else will love  me?". It was obvious I didn't love myself and I knew that he didn't love me because he wouldn't had put me through all of the bullshit he was putting me through. I was scared to leave, I didn't know my worth and I knew deep down he wasn't the man I needed and the man that was meant for me. It took a lot of mental abuse with some physical and emotional abuse for me to chuck my deuces up one day. I had enough and I knew in order for me to start the journey to my happiness, I had to leave him which is exactly what I did. 

When I left him, it was the best decision ever. I felt relieved and everything slowly but surely started to look up for me. At times staying in a situation or not letting someone go can block some of God blessings for you. This is why from that day forward after leaving him, I had to do what made me happy. I can't sit here and let my life go by without making myself happy. Life is too short, anything can happen to you at any given time. Do you want to live your life being unhappy? God forbid something happens to you, would you be satisfied with how you lived your life?  

If it doesn't make you happy, simply let it go. YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS THE MOST!! It wasn't easy for me but I knew I was able to be genuinely happy. Yes I go through some things which is fine because it's part of life. Am I going to let the things I go through stop me from being happy? No, I use any issue that I deal with be motivation to do more things to make me happy. Don't allow anyone to even come close to interrupting your Happiness. It is time that you live for you and do what matters most to you. 

Now my happiness comes first, I have to make sure Iam good no matter what for my son. He matters the most to me and if mommy isn't happy, he would feel it and I never want him to feel anything else but HAPPINESS! Life is beautiful and even more beautiful when you're happy. Don't let anything or anyone take your happiness away from you. Do whatever it is that will make you happy!! Travel More, Smile More, Dance More, Do More Of What Makes You Happy. 

A Confident Love From Me To You

       Xoxo, Yanika