Big Girls Need Love Too.

"Why is he with her?" Some people will say due to the fact he is with a "big girl". But is it really a problem that he is with a girl that isn't society ideal of beauty which is a size 2. For years I always wondered why was it always such a big deal when others see guys with big girls? I've dealt with it and I never understood why, yes Iam a big girl and yes I deserved to be love too. Why can't I be love? Because I have cellulite on my things, rolls on my back and because my stomach isn't flat. What is the big deal? 

 

I've noticed a lot of petite women post this picture numerous of times on social media as if something is wrong with them with the caption saying " What's wrong with me" or "how can she get a man but I can't". Basically saying " She's fat and unattractive while Iam in shaped and pretty but I can't get a man". What people fail to realize is it's not always about looks. So what if she's big with no hair and round dark circles around her eyes. Ever thought that her personality and character made him fall in love with her. She probably treats him like a king where you would probably take advantage of him. It's about the quality  of a women, not her looks. There are plenty of women questioning why they are single without even noticing that their personality and character isn't appealing to a man to wife her up. 

I don't have a specific preference when it comes to dating guys, as long as you are ambitious, can make me happy and be the man that I need then Iam fine. Iam not into he has to be a specific complexion and has to be a certain height. I've dated guys who were 6'4, 300lbs and also dated guys who were 5'7, 250lbs. I never was really into looks and I just wanted to be with someone who didn't care about my size, only the size of my heart. I just couldn't be with someone who was ashamed of me but I won't lie I did once or twice but that's a whole different blog post. But I got looks, stares, and heard comments all due to me being a big girl and being with someone who people think it's a problem being with a girl my size. 

It has to stop, LOVE DOESN'T COME WITH A SIZE LIMIT!!! Everyone deserve to be loved by someone no matter what their size is. So if a girl is over a size 16, she's too big to be loved by someone? That's the way it seems and it shouldn't be that way at all. We are all capable to love and have someone love us for who we are, just the way we are. I dislike the fact that people stare or say mean things when they see someone who is plus size with their love one. I know it used to affect me, despite the fact I was happy being with my significant other, it used to bother me. Now I don't care, I hold his hands even tighter to let them know we good and yes he loves all this fluffiness. 

We get judged for everything even being in love or someone being in love with us. Why can't we all love each other and be happy for one another. Why can't you smile at another female when you see her with her significant other instead of giving her a dirty look. I love to see others happy and I love to see others in love. There are some females dealing with their insecurities by not even letting a man truly love them because of their size. It's hard enough for them to believe that they deserve to be love and when they do believe it, someone out there will critique them. 

It's not all about looks, why would you even want to be with someone if it's all about looks? What about their character, personality, the way they treat their families, their goals and ambition, what about all the characteristics found in someone?  I guess that doesn't matter if you're worrying about someone being with you because you are prettier than the other female that has a man. You have to be with someone that can make you happy, their looks can't make you happy. It's bad enough we live in a world where we are judged for everything as I said before,  don't forget about the characteristics of someone and let them go because they wasn't attractive. 9 out of 10 times those who aren't attractive are the ones to be the one that can actually make us happy. 

Big girls, skinny girls, it doesn't matter what the size of your jeans are. It doesn't matter how big you are, you need and deserve to be loved. LOVE DOESN'T COME WITH A WEIGHT LIMIT!!!! So next time you see a female that is bigger than you and she is with her significant other, acknowledge her instead of giving her looks and wondering why she has a man and you don't. My advice is instead of wondering why she has a man and you don't explains to me that you have things to work on for yourself so a man can actually be with you and make you happy. Everyone Needs Love, I Love You!!!  

    A Confident Love From Me To You.  

                    Xoxo, Yanika 

July 25,2015 Till Forever, Darnell & Christine Love Story.

When it comes to LOVE, well we all know Iam a sucker for it. I never met these two until two days before their wedding. Darnell is one of MJ (MJ is my boyfriend for those who don't know) good friends so when he told me we where going to Jamaica for his friend wedding, Of course I said Yes. From the time I met them, it felt like I knew them for a very long time. They are the sweetest couple, they didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. As I watched them to the very moment they said "I do", I knew I wanted to share their love story and inspire someone to not give up on LOVE. 

It was December in 2011 to be exact in Richmond, Virginia where they were introduced to each other. It was brief, they shook hands and went about their business, having no idea that was the start to their love story. It wasn't until January 2012 while Darnell was visiting a mutual friend in Virginia, they stopped by Christine house with a couple friends. Christine and Darnell were attracted to each other at first sight, sending subliminal flirting hints to each other amongst their friends being there. It felt like two people trying to flirt without their friends noticing but they couldn't resist each other. 

They were friends for a year and three months before they began a relationship. Darnell proposed 8months later (the day after Thanksgiving) at Madame Tussaud's in Times Square which is located in New York City  amongst her parents and family. Darnell got down on one knee on the 9th floor or the "Oval Office". Christine didn't know what was going on at all but when she realized she started crying while she said YES!. Darnell was so nervous, that he put the ring on the wrong hand. 

                   She Said YES!!!!! 

Relationships Aren't Perfect,  I wanted to know what is one thing that kept them  going?! What is one thing that they could tell other couples to keep going when it gets tough. When they first met they built a foundation of their friendship. They would like to think of each other as partners and that they can accomplish many things when they work together. 

What makes him/her special? What made you realize he/she was the one for you? I asked next. The more Darnell got to know Christine the more he knew why he was so drawn to her. Not only did he think she was beautiful on the outside, she was a beautiful person from the inside out. Her mind surpassed his expectations. They both wanted to grab life by the horns and live out loud. He loved the way she was family oriented, and he admired the relationship she had with her father. It was the same exact way Darnell was with his mother and how he wanted it to be with his daughter. He never looked forward to marriage until he found his Queen, He felled in love with her soul and knew he couldn't live without her.

When meeting Darnell it was very clear that he was spontaneous and loved to travel, Christine said. At this time she had never left the country, but Darnell was the one who encouraged her to get a passport and took her on her very first trip to Jamaica. What makes Darnell very special to her is how he does his very best to show her new things and make sure that she is taken care of as daddy's little girl, it brought much happiness to her knowing that Darnell tried his best to make her the happiest girl in the world just as her father has.

              ( Christine & Her Father) 

               ( Darnell & His Sister) 

I was very ecstatic to be there for their special day, from beginning to end it was absolutely beautiful. I have to say one of the best weddings I've been to, it is definitely in my top 3 of favorite weddings. What made it more magical, it was in Jamaica. I wanted to know every detail from why they picked to have a destination wedding, details on the tuxedo/dress and if they would change anything about that night. 

They were engaged for about a year and a half, in which the wedding planning happened on and off.  Initially, they picked  to have a destination wedding as a way of budgeting, they both have large families so if they had decided to plan the wedding in NY, it would've been over 200 guest and a large bill (Good Thinking). They definitely didn't want to start their marriage in debt. They saved a lot of money doing it abroad with approximately 80 guest and Christine  decided to make and bring as many items as possible to Jamaica with them to save even more money.  They brought everything from center pieces and wedding favors to sky lanterns with them. As Christine being a teacher, her creativity came out  so she created activity books for the kids table. 

They got many ideas from Pinterest and ordered products and customized them with the help of their close family members. The wedding was delayed an hour because of weather but after the rain stopped everything went just as they had planned. Their families had an amazing time, Oh Yes We Did!!! The suits for Darnell groomsmen and himself were tailor-made from Coree Le, a tailor in Iteawon, South Korea. All of their names were stitched in their suit jackets, their shoes were classic double monk strap by Cole Haan.  Darnell suit was green to represent his late mother and his favorite color.  A seat was also reserved for her at the front of the ceremony. 

Christine's dress was by Mori Lee, purchased at a bridal salon in New York,  Her shoes were by her favorite designer, Kate Spade. The bridesmaid dresses were from David's Bridal. The special part of the night was how both families got on the dance floor and had the time of their lives. After worrying all week, it was a great feeling to see how everything they had planned come together so perfectly (after hearing all the wedding horror stories) "it was the best day of our lives", they said. I have to agree, it was truly one of the best days of my life and it was even more special because I got to share it with my love. I would have to say the BEST part of the night was at the end when we was all given sky lanterns to light up at the beach to let it fly in the air. It was my very first time doing it and it was such a magical moment to share with everyone there. 

We are all scared to be in love, we are all scared to get hurt. I know that it took me a while to fall in love again, but as Darnell and Chrissy said "Our advice to someone scared to fall in love is you get what you put in, so put your best foot forward and reap the benefits, you'll know what real love is when it comes". I have to say, they are right. I never knew MJ and I would be together and I would have falling in love with him but I did and Iam thankful that I didn't let the pain that I went through stop me from loving someone else. 

Their honeymoon began as an adventure and ended as a much needed relaxation in paradise. They flew back from Jamaica and went straight to South Africa, where they gamed the open safari in search for the big five and more. They ate breakfast with monkeys, and lunch with Cape Buffaloes in their backyard. They even were fortunate enough to have their afternoon naps interrupted by a group of hungry elephants grazing outside of our balcony.  After South Africa, they flew to Zanzibar which is located of the coast of Tanzania. This is where they got to  soak up the African sun and relax in each other's company. As I was writing this, I pictured that I was there. OMG what an amazing and deserving honeymoon for these two. 

Some advice that Darnell and Christine gave for those planning a wedding or thinking of taking that next step is "The main thing to remember is it only has to make sense to you and your significant other. Don't get caught up in trying to please others, it's all about what works best for the two of you." 

What are the future plans for these two as they go on to experience each other as one. As of now, they plan to travel more and just enjoy each other as husband and wife. Children are definitely in their future, but our Chloe will do for now. Last but not least I had to ask them, one last thing Confidence Is LOVE Because "being in love gives you a feeling of certainty that you can put your all in and trust another". 

    ( My Love & I at The Wedding) 

Every one has their own love story, but you have to believe in yours and never give up on love. It may take time but there is someone out there to share that story with you. I won't lie there was a point I had given up on love, but why give up? When there is someone who is praying for a queen like me who can make me believe in love again and show me a different kind of love which is what happened to me. I don't write these  blogs based on love to make you feel sad because you aren't in love, I write them so you can believe and have hope that you deserve to love and to be loved as well. 

To Darnell and Christine Happy One Month Anniversary, I wish you both nothing but the best in love, success and marriage. Iam thankful to have shared your special day with MJ, I pray you guys can share our special day as well one day. 

    A Confident Love From Me To You

                    Xoxo, Yanika 

Express Yourself, Communication Is Key!

Ever been in a situation where you're scared to express how you feel only because it may not go the way you want it to go. For example, telling your significant other that you didn't like something he/she did but you know it may lead to an argument. So you keep it all in despite it hurting you only to avoid an argument. 

I wouldn't say Iam the greatest communicator, every day Iam learning on how to be a better communicator as well as how I deliver it. PRESENTATION IS KEY!!! The way you express your emotions or opinions plays a big part. I've learned that I have to express how I feel no matter how it may make the other person feel or how things may come out. I always feel like if I express myself I may make the situation worse in some cases that's how it turns out but as long as I got out what was bothering me then that's all that matters. 

In life certain situation will make you feel a way especially people around you but you have to be strong and let your emotions out. You matter the most and you can't make yourself feel worse by letting everything in and going as if everything is fine. What is holding you back from communicating? 

Our pride/ego is something that holds us back from communicating and expressing how we  feel. I won't lie, my pride made me keep it all in no matter how much it was hurting in the past.  Some people will lose a love one all because of their pride. They rather not say what's on their minds to make it work and just let things be. 

You have to let it out and just trust things to be how it's suppose to be. Whatever that is meant to be will be but you will feel all better in the long run all because you know you made the right choice for yourself by letting your emotions out. Some people don't know how to communicate, they just don't know how to. It's not like they don't want to but they just don't know how to. 

Communication is a hard task especially for men, they don't like conflict where we can talk for days ( Well I know I can). They rather just keep it in until it doesn't matter anymore where it wouldn't be an issue. But once again how can you move on if you don't talk about it. If you are with someone who doesn't know how to communicate, help them open up. Make them realize that opening up and talking about the issue will make things better. Some people never had to express their feelings and talk about their emotions so they don't know how to open up. But if you are by their side helping them every step of the way then they will learn how to communicate instead of shutting down when there is an issue. 

To move on and make things better you have to communicate and work it out. If not even if you think you moved on, trust me the issue will always be on your mind. The next time there's an issue you will be bothered by two issues and not one and the more you keep it all in the more issues you will be bothered by. As I mentioned before, I wasn't always the best communicator but over the years especially recently I've learned that it is important to communicate. I have to express how I feel and it's ok if I do. 

You can't live life worrying about how someone may feel for you expressing how you feel. Never forget, YOU MATTER! So you come first. Express how you feel, talk it out even write a letter if you have to as long as you let it all out. 

  A Confident Love From Me To You

                    Xoxo Yanika 

 

Confidence Is Me, You, US!

To be confident, you have to believe that you are indeed confident and in some cases it's not that easy. I know from experience that it's not, for years I wasn't confident and I didn't believe that I could be confident within myself. I didn't like the person I was, I didn't appreciate who I was and I just didn't believe in myself. I would look at others and wish I had an ounce of their confidence asking myself why I couldn't look like them or be like them. 

It took years but after being unhappy for so long I knew that I needed to be confident within myself to be happy. In order for me to be truly happy within myself I needed to be who I was. Why was I so unhappy? All due to me not being what society claimed to be the perfect size, especially  after ending a long term relationship which took a toll on myself esteem but I knew that I needed to be confident and just be the person I was determined to be. 

After finally being who I was and accepting who I was, I knew that I can inspire and motivate others to be who I know they can be. I can't give you confidence, but I can inspire you to believe that "Confidence Is You". It won't be easy but once you start believing that you can be confident, the process is much more easier. I started to think to the times I was confident and loved myself, those moments were some of the happiest times of my life. 

When you start to doubt yourself as well as lose hope within yourself of course your confidence will fade away. Iam tired of seeing others let their low self esteem control them and take away from them being themselves. In order to be truly happy, you have to be who you are destined to be. You also can't pretend to be someone else that you're not. 

Lately I've have been seeing more and more people being confident within themselves but then get talked about for being confident. Some people feel that when someone is too confident, they are being cocky. Are they really being cocky or certain people can't accept someone being so confident within themselves? Iam far from cocky but  Iam very confident and each chance I get I flaunt my confidence. Iam not going to change who I am just so others don't feel a way about who I am. 

Why are people so intimated by someone confidence within themselves?  Internally, people feel that you're better than them so they try to bring you down to their level or make you feel a way about being confident. I learned that in life people will judge you no matter what, it doesn't matter what it is they will find anything to judge you on. That's why when I realized being myself is the only way I can fulfill my happiness I didn't care what anyone had to say about me. 

Someone being confident doesn't define them as being better than you or being cocky. For them being confident indicates them not only being themselves but also showing that they believe in the person they are. We live in a world where we have to constantly fight so our voice can be heard, why must we fight to be who we are? 

I wish people can stop being so judgemental, I really wish they could stop that sh*t but that's how the world is. No matter what people will find something to talk about whether you're skinny, confident, plus size, married, single, smart, ambitious, they will talk about you no matter what. So my motto is F*#k what anyone has to say about you and BE WHO YOU ARE! 

  

   A Confident Love From Me To You

                   Xoxo, Yanika