The thing about life is that it happens and you never know what will happen tomorrow. No matter how much you pray for things to go right, something will eventually happen which we didn't expect. I say when these unexpected things happen that aren't in our favor, they are a test from God. He wants to see if you're capable of not only being strong but staying strong enough not to break. I believe in God but as soon as things go wrong, I questioned him and my faith. I recently came to terms with " when shit happens, still smile" because everything will eventually be just fine. I know things will get better but while you're in those feelings, it's impossible to see the positive out of what you're going through. I overthink so much and see the worst case scenario out of what Iam going through which isn't good at all. But Iam trusting the process as hard at it is at times, Ian holding on to my faith. I know God put me in some tough situations in the past that I felt I would never overcome. We all went through something in life, that made us feel as if our world was coming to an end. Here we are living our lives perfectly fine, we overcame our situation just like God knew we would.
I just haven't felt this way in a long time so for me to be on such a emotional rollercoaster was too much for me to handle. I would get to work and just cry ( Thank God for some of my amazing co-workers that were there for me), I would get home and cry but I always made sure that I didn't cry in front of MJ. Children feel when things are wrong, they might not understand what's going on but they can feel it. I never want MJ to feel when Mommy is sad, I don't want my wounds to affect him in any kind of way. I literally felt as if I was fighting depression, I wasn't going to let this bitxh win. I've dealt with depression in the past and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's the toughest battle to fight but you have to stay strong and fight until you WIN. I did that, I beat it.
You can't allow temporary circumstances to break you down. You have to keep fighting, you have to keep pushing. IT'S OK NOT TO BE OK from time to time but you can't let it break you. I just needed to sit back, pray and put things into perspective. Some of the shit I was feeling wasn't even my issues but belong to the ones I love. It's hard for someone you love to be going through it and there is nothing that you can do about it. It's hard AF but all you can do is PRAY FOR THEM and help them through the process. I just had to let go of their issues weighing me down, it wasn't fair for my mental health. Everyone is fighting their own battles, some are silent about them while others can't help to show their emotions which is ok. But someone else's problems aren't your problems to deal with, trust me its hard not to feel a way especially if it's someone you care for but as I mentioned before Pray for them and be by their side as you help them through it.
I shared A LOT over the years sharing different experiences I've dealt and its through my transparency I feel at peace. I always say that God put me through things so I can share my story to help others and I truly believe he does. Exactly 2 weeks ago, I posted a quote that said " I don't think people realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place mentally. so if you've done that today or any day, I'm proud of you". It was important for me to share that quote and be honest that for the past few weeks I haven't been ok and just been on an emotional rollercoaster which has me evaluating my whole life and making me question so many things in my life. I was hesitate to share but one of my co workers Genesis, (she's actually more than a coworker, she is my friend and I am beyond thankful for her because through all of this she was there for me) but anyways I told her I wanted to share my truth and she said " Go ahead, Do it".
I Didn't expect so many DMs but I am so grateful that I shared that post and was able to help people that were feeling the same way I was. I gave them hope that everything will eventually be alright and to keep on fighting. I Thank God, My son and Therapy that kept me going an kept me strong, so if you're on a emotional rollercoaster just know that eventually everything will be ok. You just have to believe it will and have faith that something bigger and better is going to come for what you're going through. Don't fail the test, pass the test and show God You're stronger than you think. No matter what you're going through, NEVER FOLD.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger............
A Confident Love From Me to You
Xoxo, Yanika
