Yessenia...My Soul Sister On Growth, MotherHood & Sobriety

It was Year 2000 when we both entered high school not knowing a soul. I remember the first time I saw her, she seemed quiet but boy was I wrong. I don’t remember exactly when we first started talking but all I knew is that we clicked right away. We went from not knowing each other just a few weeks ago to speaking on the phone for hours as if we weren’t just in school together. 

From sleepovers, traveling together, going through heartbreaks together, being there for each other during the happiest and greatest times in our lives, Becoming each other’s son Mina, uplifting each other, our families being one, living our best and wild lives, just so many memories created in the past 19 years, I can’t see my life without her and Iam truly blessed to call her my sister and not just my best friend. 

As I was thinking of who to feature for this month, she instantly came to mind. In the past few years, I’ve seen her become better, I seen her growth blossoming into more of beautiful being than she was before, her strength inspires me, her determination and her passion is remarkable. Her heart and soul is pure, she is pure, she is real, she is raw, she is loved, she is Yessenia, a mother, sister, daughter, friend, My Best Friend, and much more. Here is HER STORY! 

Who is Yessenia?

-Yessenia is a 33 yr old woman from Brooklyn. I am many things and I have come to accept who I am along the way. We change everyday so the Yessenia I was yesterday might not be who you meet today. But my core (soul) is loving and understanding with a sprinkle of petty, lol

 What does self care mean to you? What are some things you do for your own self care?

-Self care to me is something that should be everyone's top priority. This gets confused with being selfish. A lot of people feel bad for caring for themselves. Self care is knowing when to say No and not feeling guilty for it. Its taking the time to do things for yourself. We all have the right to care for ourselves the way we do for others.

-Some things that I do for my own self care is: read, write, go for long walks (I'm talking milesss), throw on a mask, listen to music, taking myself out on dates (which I think everyone should do more often), talk things out with a friend, practice saying No and making sure i tell myself every morning "YOU'RE A BAD BITCH!"

 What does self love mean to you? How do you show yourself love?

-I think self love and self care go hand in hand. I can't care for myself if I do not love myself. Self love to me is believing in myself and accepting every layer of me. I show myself love by paying attention to how I speak to myself, We tend to be quick to point out the things we don't like about ourselves. So every morning I look in the mirror and point out the things I love. Its amazing how powerful our words are. Try it! You'll see your smile grow.

What does growth mean to you? How important is it for someone to accept growth? What would you tell someone afraid to grow?

-Growth is an everyday thing. Its never ending. Growth to me is acceptance of one self. In order for anyone to grow they have to learn to accept themselves. Every layer. Without that you'll be stuck. Its important to be honest with yourself. Dig deep. It can be scary but there's growth outside your comfort zone. Take YOUR journey one day at a time. Write out all the things you been sweeping under the rug. Those feelings have to be felt and released. We have to feel in order to heal. With healing comes growth. There's no need to beat ourselves up for our traumas or emotions. Its important to have faith in ourselves. The same way we have faith in others.

Motherhood isn't easy but is truly the most rewarding. What challenges did you face being a single mother? What kept you going to be the best mother you can be? What sacrifices did you make? What advice would you tell someone raising their child on their own?

-I had my son when I was 22yrs old which is still pretty young. Was I ready? Absolutely not. But even at that age I felt something deep inside tell me I had to have him. I was single throughout my pregnancy and it was the happiest experience. After having my son is when the challenges came in. Going to appointments alone and all other things parents have to do. My biggest challenge is making sure my son is emotionally stable. As he gets older his concerns come out. I learned early on I wanted to be vocal with him. Honesty goes a long way. We talk every night before bed about his feelings. BOYS CAN CRY! I can't stress that enough. I always struggle with whether I am doing enough because I often have to pull the weight of Mom & Dad. But that's what also kept me going. There was no way I was going to fall short. His happiness and heart keep me going. Not cause he is my kid but he truly is one of the best kids I know. That in itself is the best reward. My advice to anyone becoming a single parent or co-parenting, be honest. (I talk about honesty a lot. Its the core of everything) Speak your truth. Speak up. Surround yourself with amazing people to lean on. I was blessed with a great support team. It reminds you that you're not alone. It takes a village to raise a child. Nothing nor no one is perfect. Remove that from your vocabulary. Allow your child(ren) to express themselves to you. You'll both be growing together. 

SOBRIETY, What does the word mean to you? How important is this word to you? Briefly share your journey to sobriety and how important it is to you now that you're 2 yrs sober?

-Sobriety to me now means a way of living. When I first started it was a word I repeated and focused on. I do not need to do that any more. In the beginning I gave this word power because I needed something to hold on to. Now where I am mentally, spiritually and physically sobriety is just a word. I transferred that power to myself at the end of last year entering this year. There's an awakening/clarity that happens along anyone's journey that allows you to flow and trust yourself more. I made the decision to be sober more than once. This wasn't a one time thing. 2017 was my about my 3rd or 4th time trying. I would never make it pass my birthday, I had been drinking since I was 17 (sorry mom lol) basically half of my life. My dad was an alcoholic and passed away when I was 9. As soon as I had the chance I drank to numb feelings I couldn't numb before. I was on a hidden spiral. No one saw it as an issue. Idk what clicked in 2017. A different kind of determination. I stuck with it. I feel the best I've ever felt. I have gotten to know myself more and learned to love every part of me. I'll be going into my 3rd year right when the ball drops for 2020. Link on my IG, oooh_yess , page to my medium account where I have three pieces sharing my journey if you'd like to read more on it.

What would you tell someone afraid to get the proper help they need to overcome an addiction that they have?

-First, everyone's addiction and how they handle it isn't the same. What works for one might not work for someone else. Not many people can stop cold turkey like I did. Being afraid is ok. Once we get this notion that we must be happy 24/7 out our ends we can begin to feel. I personally had to speak about it to overcome it. We are much bigger than our issues/addictions. Most addiction hotlines or programs are anonymous. There's always someone willing to listen. Take a friend, family member or anyone in your life with you to gather information. Be open with yourself. The first step is admitting you have a problem. If you can't see that or admit to it you'll have a very hard time stopping. Remember you are not alone. I always offer my DMs to anyone that needs someone to just listen. 9 times out of 10 there is someone close to you going through something similar.

What are some of the things that you did to overcome alcoholism?

-For my first year I didn't go out to events/parties/bars. If I thought about drinking I'd make a tea, workout or hit a friend up. I tried to find other things to do. I practiced saying NO. Drinking is such a social thing that it can be hard to say NO. Own your decision. I also started to pour love into my passion which is photography. I made sure I spoke about my addiction more. Along the journey you will realize you are more than your addiction. That power will help you overcome anything.

Your passion for photography is inspiring, who inspires you? What inspires you? When did you fall in love with photography?

-I love photography because no one takes the same photo. If someone else and myself take a photo of a bridge it won't look the same. Editing is different, the angle and how its presented. I was the girl in HS with a camera always taking photos of my friends in the hallway and on trips. I love to capture things through my eyes. My surrounds inspire me. I see art in everything and everyone. I wanted to get into photography because growing up when my dad was mad he'd cut his face out of photos. (weird I know lol) I grew to want to capture more in a sense to replace those cut up photos. I fell in love with it after having my son. You never want to lose those moments. He hates it but he'll appreciate it when he is older.

What are some future goals? What are some changes you want to make for yourself for the near future?

-Some future goals I have is to do street photography and raw portraits. I like to capture people as they are. A lovely apartment for my son and I. A job I love which would involve photography or helping people. Some changes I want to make are more personal, having to do with self. Less procrastinating. Build a different relationship with money. But our paths aren't races. The more we think that way the less actually gets done. I always feel like I am never progressing when in fact I am.

What is one thing you would tell your younger self at each age? 15,18,21,25

-At each of those ages I would tell my younger self the same thing, you're not less than anyone else. Listen to yourself and people pleasing will set you back. Believe in yourself and your dreams.

Confidence is YOU because...I got my power back and there is no one that can ever take that away ever again.  

Almost 2 decades we have known each other and I appreciate every second she has been in my life. It's hard to find genuine people in your life to love you unconditionally for who you are flaws and all, support you in every way possible ( She is one of my BIGGEST cheerleaders), push you when you don't even want to push yourself and be there every step of the way. Iam Thankful for HER, Ive been there through it all with her but no matter what she keep going, she keep pushing. She doesn't let anything defeat her because she know who she is as a women and what her strengths are.

I can say over the past 2 and a half years, her growth, her strength and her determination out of life took a huge turn for the better in a remarkable way. She has help me through so much and her strength shows me that I'll always  be OK. Life will throw curveballs at you but you have to kick ass no matter what. Put yourself first, follow your heart, do what makes you happy always and live life to the fullest with no regrets. Jesse keep inspiring, Keep being you. The best is yet to come & every step of the way, I'll be there. I LOVE YOU! 

     

                                                  A Confident Love From Me To You
                                                                     Xoxo, Yanika

Messiah's Mommy

This past weekend on March 23, 2018, I was part of hosting an amazing event  Called Love Thyself for MOMS ANONYMOUS which is an organization where moms can embrace a realm of support, realism and courage amoungs other moms. It was truly an honor when my friend Amanda who is the co-founder of organization along side Tatiana asked me to be a part of the event to discuss my journey of Motherhood, Confidence is You, Self Love and so much more. This was my first event for the year, I was excited to get back to doing events again.

One thing is for sure being a mother, nothing goes as planned. This is why I don't make any plans anymore because I know something will come up. So since having Messiah, I just go with the flow. If I can make it, then Iam there, If not then Hey, I tried. My son comes first and being his mother that comes first as well. I had made plans for Messiah to stay with my mother while being at the event but my mother woke up not feeling too good. So what am I suppose to do now? His dad is at work, I don't have anyone else to watch him so do I just cancel showing up at the event last minute because I don't have anyone to watch my son. I quickly sent Amanda a message telling her that I have to bring him, I was nervous to what she was going to say but she said Ok! So I got up and got us ready.

I was nervous only because I knew other women would be there and they would probably have something to say but this was an event for mothers and this was my reality. Everyone understood and love that despite it all, here I am with my son. I needed to be somewhere and my son needed to be there with me. I wasn't worried about him being a wild child because I know MJ is super calm when we are out so I knew he would behave well. So I did my part of the event with him right by my side, I felt joy looking at him and felt inspired even more at that moment to do more for him to witness his mother be great. 

Being a mother isn't easy but as I always tell people it is the most fulfilling and most rewarding title ever. I truly enjoy being a mother, I prayed for this moment for so long. I have my days where I breakdown because it gets tough but no matter what I keep pushing to be the best mother that I can be to Messiah. It's ok if I make mistakes, I just learned from it and move on. Everyday is a new challenge and there is always something new for you to learn. Iam still learning and still getting the hand of things of being a mother and being there for myself. 


The days won't get easier but each day its worth it, Messiah is my Joy. I know you have your days as if you feel everything is going against but it's not. Don't be so hard on yourself, You're doing your best. Remind  yourself that you're worth it and that you matter as well. I feel like taking some time for ourselves is very important, we need that mental break to breathe and get things in order. Our children need the best version of ourselves even on our worse day. You're doing your best, if you need to have a breakdown then do so but you're being the best mother that you know how to be and thats all that matters.

Messiah, Thank you for being my biggest motivation, joy, and everything and more starting with LOVE. You're the perfect beat to my heart, THANK GOD FOR YOU, I LOVE YOU!







                                                  A Confident Love From ME to You
                                                                  Xoxo,Yanika

Tiona, Taking a leap of FAITH.

A few months ago, I decided to switch the blog up a little bit and feature Queens which stories can inspire others and motivate other Queens to be Confident, reach for their goals and remind them that they matter. Instantly before I can post my idea, I received a DM on Instagram from a beautiful, young queen telling me how she would love to be featured on the blog. Now if that wasn’t God, I promise you ideas and visions are planted in us from God, I truly believe this. That was my sign that I needed to do what I felt was needed for the blog. 

Of course, right away I said “YES” after she briefly told me about herself. Her story was suppose to be featured since last year but life happens and as we all know my life is a bit hectic but she was patient and she understood, I knew that I needed to share her story as soon as possible and here we are. Tiona IG is what I have her saved in my phone but she is more than that, she is a singer, sneaker lover and queen that took a leap of faith and shortly faced  with losing her biggest supporter and love but no matter what kept her faith,kept pushing and still isn't giving up. Despite everything in life, always go for what you believe in..Everyone meet Tiona. 

    1)Who Is Tiona? 

 I am a fighter. In order to get what you want in life you have to fight for it. Throughout my life I wouldn't say I had it easy, I would say that I have been very blessed, but being blessed still means that I have to push for what I want and make it happen.  I would also say that I am a lover.  I love my family and my friends and I love people in general. I love meeting new people and sharing experiences with them and I especially love kids. I love talking to them about their dreams and being a role model for them. I believe that music and art are a major part of me as well. I love being creative and that comes out in not just my music, but my love for sneaker culture as well. 

        2)What are your inspirations in life? Who and what inspires you? 

My Grandmother inspires me.  She is a staple in her community, not being afraid to stand up to people and doing whatever needs to be done to make sure that her community flourishes.  She inspires me to do good, to use love instead of hate. Be honest even when it is scary to do so. I'm also inspired by my father, he was a good man, he took care of his family and was always there for his friends. He was a hard-ass and didn't take crap from ANYBODY, but he was still loving. They both taught me the value of hard work, and being a woman of my word. I am inspired by people who aren't afraid to go for what they want.  The people who aren't afraid to hear the word "no" and who help others. 

       3)What does Self Love mean to you? 

Self Love is always evolving. It's not something that you get when you're born. Learning to love yourself is something that will always be tested throughout your life and each time you have to rise to the occasion. If you are in a bad relationship you have to love yourself enough to let it go and move on.  Even if you get a bad haircut, you've got to love yourself enough to go outside even though you hate the way you look (both of these examples have happened to me LOL). Self love is not just about loving yourself enough, it is being brave enough to love someone else, and that can go for a significant other, family member or child. 

        4) From NYC to Atlanta, you moved to pursue your music career, tell us more about it? When was the first time you fell in love with music? 

When I first moved to NYC, I wanted to pursue my music career and I always wanted to live in NYC. While in NYC I was able to pursue my music and do shows, create relationships and I still held down a 9-5.  After awhile I started to get bored, and I acquired a new manager. My manager at the time was based in Atlanta and I was going down there frequently.  After awhile I kept thinking that it would make more sense to go down there and pursue my music career full time. So after not so much critical thought, I quit my job, packed up my car and drove to Atlanta. Looking back it wasn't the smartest decision because after I got there I lost a lot and had to start over, but that experience taught me a lot about myself. 

I first fell in love with music as a fetus, and this is not a joke I promise you I came out of the womb singing! :) My mother was in a gospel choir and while she was pregnant with me would still go to rehearsals and do shows, so I've always been around music. In grammar school I would re-mix the words to my favorite songs to tell jokes in the lunch hall with my friends. I sang in the church choir and had solo recitals at my school almost every year. Music was and will always be a part of who I am and is intertwined into my veins. 

        5)How important is to go after what you believe in? You took a leap of faith leaving everything you knew to go for what you believe in, what would you tell someone afraid to take a leap of faith? 

Going after what you believe in- to me is everything. My goal in life is to be happy and do things that make me happy. It is important to your confidence, self-love and your peace of mind to try.  If you have a passion and you never pursue it you'll never know how far you can go in life. If you don't go after what you want you will always wonder "what if?" and I don't want that feeling. That's what I would tell someone.  Go for it and see, the worst that can happen is you realize thats its not what you want and then you can try something else!

        6)What are some hardships that you went through that give you strength to keep going and not give up? ( talk about your Dad, if you don’t mind) 

I think the hardest thing for me was losing my father. When I moved to Atlanta I didn't have a job, I took jobs that didn't make a lot of money to make ends meet, and for the first time in my career I got fired! I lost friends, and had a few people turn their backs on me. My father wanted me to come back home so he can help me get back on my feet. I told him no. I felt like there was a reason why God wanted me to go through this so I had to see it through. Then out of the blue,  my Dad called me (we talked every day), to tell me that he had stage 4 Cancer. That was the toughest conversation.  I was torn because I wanted to go home to take care of him, but I also wanted to pursue my dreams.  I would say if I had any regrets it would be that I didn't go home and spend more time with him. When my father died I had basically hit rock bottom. Not just financially, but mentally I felt regret, loneliness and was depressed. I gave myself a few days then I said that I had to get it together. My Father didn't die in vain. I have to make it not just for me but for him too. That's when things started coming together, I met new management, I got a new job, new car, new apartment and I started making music again. 

        7) Besides music, you’re a sneaker lover, how many sneakers do you own? What is your favorite pair of sneakers? And what is it about sneakers that you love the most? 

YES! I love sneakers, it is definitely a passion of mine. I'm not really sure because I sell then replace, but if I had to guess probably 100 or so. I can't really pick out a specific pair of sneakers that I love because I try to only buy sneakers I really like and not just ones that are hyped. I do love a sneaker that has a great color, and I love a good story or history. I love Jordan 1's and I really love Air Max just to name a few. I love that sneakers allow you to be creative. I truly believe that sneakers are art, the construction, the colors and they way they are styled. Sneakers are a vehicle of self expression. 

        8) Tell us more about your organization, Tuff Diamonds. What inspired you to start an organization for the youth? 

As women we always talk about the things we hate about ourselves, like I hate my nose, or my big thighs, etc. I started Tuff Diamonds as a way for women, especially young ladies, to celebrate the things they love about themselves. I love kids, and I feel like there should be more role models for them to look up too. You don't have to be a rapper, or a instagram model to be rich and to have a good life. I feel like kids need more options. 

        9)What are your future goals and how will you make them your reality? 

I have a lot of goals lol, but I would like to own my own sneaker store, and I also would love to travel overseas to sing. I have a few plans in motion to make the a reality, but above all I have faith that I will accomplish them. 

        10)What would you tell someone who doesn’t believe in themselves? 

I would tell them that its not easy, and it something that you have to work on a little bit every day. Make a list of all of the things you love about yourself, your strengths and look at them everyday. I also believe in the power of visualization.  Making a vision board and having positive affirmations that you refer to every day will help in believing that whatever you can believe you can make happen. 

        11)What would you tell your younger self? 

Start loving yourself and your uniqueness, continue to be different, and it's ok to not be like everyone else. Don't be afraid of your passions and whatever it is that you want to do in life-just do it. Don't worry so much about money, because it will always come and go. Spend time with the people you love and that love you. Time goes by SO quickly, don't waste it on things that don't matter. Lastly, learn how to save better and build and maintain your credit. 

        12)Confidence is you because 

I am confidence because I learned from falling down, and getting back up. For not allowing rejection to define my destiny. I am confidence because I believe in myself and my abilities, nobody can take that away from me. 

In life you will be face with different challenges, some that you didn't expect but through it all no matter how hard it gets, YOU KEEP GOING! Believe in yourself an hold on to your faith. Tiona believed in herself so much that she took a leap of faith and left everything behind and even with the lost of her father, she didn't give up. She knew that the best would come and with every step that she takes her father would be right by her side.


It's 2019, don't just wish and hope, Do what is necessary for you to be happy. You're living this life for you and it's important that you live your best life with no regrets. I know I have to give myself a pep talk almost everyday because sometimes it does get discouraging when things aren't going your way but you can't give up no matter what. We all have goals and we all the best for us. Iam learning to trust what God has plan for me and if needed to take a leap of faith. At times taking the leap will change your life forever and for the best. Go for what you want, Go for what you believe in, Go for what your heart desires, Take that leap of faith, you deserve it. 



Tiona keep reaching for the stars, Iam thankful that you gave me a chance to get to know you and feature you on the blog. Keep inspiring, Confidence Is YOU! 


                    A Confident Love From Me to You
                                     Xoxo,Yanika 

QUEEN, You Are!

Dear Queen,

Look how beautiful you are. Seriously you’re a goddess, fix your crown don’t let them see you stressing or worrying. You’re magical, you’re Stronger Than You Think, your strength shows how powerful you are. Nothing can break you, you may crack a few times but that’s ok, you’re human and guess what  you’re still a queen. 

Queen, you’re perfect, believe that you are. Yes, we all have flaws but that doesn’t mean that you don’t matter or you aren’t worth it. It doesn’t matter what the size of your jeans are or what the color of your skin tone is, you’re god creation and you’re perfect just the way you are. 

Queen, let them know how important you are and how your name ring bells. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We are all fighting a battle in life but no matter what we have to keep going and not give up. Learn from your mistakes, don’t allow them to break you. 

Queen, you have so much more to give, if they don’t appreciate you, let them go. Never settle or think you don’t deserve all the best because you do. Greatness is you and your happiness matters. Follow your heart, make your dreams your reality. Queen, you got this! Fix your crown, smile, Confidence Is you so Conquer the world and always do what makes you happy. 

Confidence Is You Queen, Everyday Celebrate YOU.  💫

A Confident Love From Me To You. XoXo, Yanika