Maybe You're Not Enough For Him.

You're wondering and asking yourself, Why isn't he into you like he used to?. You're doing everything to get his attention but there is something missing. You know he cares and you know he loves you but something isn't right but you stay with him because you believe things will get better. Ladies I understand, and Iam all for fighting for what you believe in but are you going to fight until you forget about yourself? Are you going to fight knowing deep inside it's not worth it? Are you going to fight by yourself? If you are fighting by yourself, it's not worth it. 

In your mind you feel that you're enough for him, you cook, clean, make him laugh, support him, give him sex when he wants to and feel that you satisfy his every needs. You're the perfect women and everyone would be blessed to have you but is he really blessed to have you. He knows you're a good women but you're not enough for him. He needs more and you're unable to give it to him so he looks elsewhere. He doesn't want to hurt you but he does not intentionally. You're perfect, yes indeed but you're not perfect for him. 

I've been there with my Ex ( I hate to bring him up but shit, most of the things I went through in a relationship was with him), he cheated and I was beyond hurt because I did everything for him. I questioned myself a million times, What did I do? It took years to realized I didn't do anything, I was good to him but I wasn't enough for him. At first I didn't understand because I was to angry with him cheating on me with someone who wasn't attractive with 4 different baby fathers. I didn't understand, I thought he was insane and when I spoke to her she was the total opposite of me. I was angry but then I said to myself, HIS LOST! I did ask him, "Did she give you oral?" since I wasn't doing it to him and he said "Yes". I did everything for him but he needed to be satisfied in other ways in which I wasn't doing. 

He did want he had to do, at first I didn't understand why but I realized I wasn't enough for him. We as women never can come terms with that because when a man cheat on us, we either blame ourselves, blame the other female which had nothing to do with him hurting you or accuse him for being stupid for cheating on you. Have you ever thought for a minute that you just aren't enough for him? 

At the end of the day you need someone to appreciate your worth and be able to accept your flaws and all while being satisfied with everything you have to offer. Yes, you are the perfect girl but maybe you aren't perfect for him. Don't blame yourself and don't hate yourself because he didn't realize how great you were. Matter of fact he did realize how amazing you were but you just wasn't the perfect one for him. 

It's ok, don't blame yourself and don't beat yourself up. There is someone out there praying for YOU, I know you're hurt and you had plans with him but would you want to be with someone who isn't satisfies to be with you?  Would you want to live in a lie with someone that looks elsewhere to be completely satisfied? As I mentioned in a previous blog, "You can't change a man, he has to be willing to change for himself". Keep that in mind because we have the habit of staying just wishing that he would change, trust me I know and he didn't change not one bit, the only thing that changed was the date and the month followed by the years I wasted while wishing/believing that he would change. 

Stop  thinking to yourself that you aren't worth it and you have to settle in orde to be happy. It's ok if you aren't enough for him because you will be enough for someone else. Stop blaming yourself, I would rather him hurt you for a second because no pain last forever than to hurt you for the rest of your life lying to you and treating less than what you deserve. I know that you know that you're worth it, believe that you are worth it. If he leaves you to be with someone else, he did you a favor. 

Know Your Worth, You're Worth It Just Not For Him!!!!!! 

    A Confident Love From Me To You

                    Xoxo, Yanika 

Fashionista Friday...A Diva With Ambition & Confidence Featuring Angie Better Known As Gie Loves.

A few months ago Kayla (CIY Intern) Said to me "She's DOPE!" And she definitely was. As I scroll down her Instagram page, her pictures yelled "Confidence, Fashion, & An I Don't Give A F*#%, Iam Going To Wear Want I What Attitude". and that's what I Love. She represented herself and no one else. I knew right away she would one day be CIY "Friday Fashionista" and here we are. 

I Finally Instagram messaged her and right away she told me "Yes I would love to do it". Once I received her answers and read them, she was definitely my type of girl. I emailed her right away telling her we have to meet once she comes to New York and what is so crazy she lives In Toronto, Canada which is a few hours from Montreal, Canada ( Where Iam From). She was herself while answering these questions and 100% real. 

1. Tell me about yourself (name, where are you from, background etc) 

My name is  Angie, and I am a hairstylist, clothing stylist and personal shopper. I am currently living too far from civilization lol aka the country but Iam actually as we speak in the process of moving out and Iam sooo excited to decorate my new place lol not part of the question but wanted to add that in ! 

2. How would you describe your personal style?

My personal style I think really depends on my mood or if i saw something that inspired me. I may be out for a walk and see a pretty tree or scene and think tomorrow I'm going to  wear earth tones and be the coolest tree in the spot (yes i said that) or if it's that time of the month ill be every version of morticia I possibly can lol I most definitely like baggy things I don't think u need to expose yourself to be deemed sexy or attractive I simply like looking cool ... Ill take "That chick looks cool" over "aww you're so pretty any day".  

3. What do you love about fashion?

That you can express every emotion threw articles of clothing just like painting or music... Fashion is an art form if you're  passionate about it, just like make up can transform you so can clothing. Look  at Lady Gaga great example right there of what clothing can do! You are your canvas present yourself as you wish people will take from it what they want but it will always belong to you and you know who or what you are and that applies to everything in life

4.  How do you manage your everything in your life ( school, Job etc)! and still find the time to be fashionable?

Well personally I'm actually trying to get busier lol so I currently have just enough time to do it all and without trying to sounds arrogant how i dress is who i am i have been the way people see me since I was a baby all the labels I've been given "different,loud,special,weird" I've had for years ... So dressing doesn't really inconvenience me because I guess it comes naturally. I enjoy spending the time getting jazzed up lolll 

5.Do you do anything specifically to incorporate your personal style into your career?

Well being a hairstylist can be dirty so at work I generally wear black and I spice it up with a heavy make up, a cool lip color ,something funky in my hair, jewelry basically I accessorize the shit out of myself. 

6. What is your favorite fashion trend? Why?

Mens clothing !!! Geeez like why did it take so long i looooove the androgynous look •drools .... I love the sharp corners with solid colors, no pattern and high collars. 

7. How do you feel about “fashion rules”?i.e. Don’t wear white after labor day etc.

I hate them.... Who made rules anyways ? What's the purpose of them if they can be broken ? Serious question if I wear white after labor day or black with brown am I going to hurt someone or spontaneously combust ? NO ... Sooo do whatever the fuck makes you happy... If it makes you feel good sprinkle that shit on everything !!! Even your  navy dress and black tights !!!! 

8. What is your go to fashion item? Why? Where do you shop? 

My go to fashion item is good old black tights from H&M never have and never will own a pair of jeans there so uncomfortable •cringes... I wear tights ALL the time loll a good leather jacket faux or real and with a t-shirt underneath red lips and your instant badass lol my fav stores are H&M, Zara,Forever21 + size section and Value Village, everything reinvents itself and if you have an idea of the look you're trying to achieve, value village will most likely have something from That era its cheap its affordable and it makes you look individual. 

9.What item do you look forward to wearing this fall/upcoming winter? 

Fur !!! All black with a fun coloured fur shall and matching lips !!! Uggg like hellloo calll me !!!! And my new 30$ emerald green• my fav color, wool jacket that I got at value village its a dream lol. 

10. What advice do you give to someone who is trying to find their personal sense of style?

Find something that you feel comfortable in whether it's a color or a particular piece of clothing and run with it, Vera Wang once said "that if you like something buy it in every color because it will never look the same"! . And STOP comparing yourself to other people... When you love your choices in life or in clothing people will love them too annnnd if they don't who cares they don't need to because you do ! 

11. What are your future Goals? 

Stay happy first and foremost travel more start my blog do more things that are geared towards the fashion field keep busy get more tattoos keep staying happy loll andddd meet pink !!

Confidence is me because - I stopped looking for a knight and found my sword. 

Gie wanted to share more with the blog which I love,  I always tell my CIY Fashionista to write a little bit more so we can learn from or be inspired. Once I read this, I smiled. I glad she added this for all of us to read, it is true No One can give you your confidence, you have to believe in yourself because Confidence Is YOU! 

" I wanted to add something else because your blog is in regards to confidence that I can't stress how important it is to love yourself I used to think it was so cliché when people used to tell me that and I finally learned that it's actually the most brilliant thing loving yourself has little to do with your physical self but actually involves loving all the things you do every day of your life your job your relationships with your friend and your significant others it has to do with being aware of who you are your feelings and your actions. I believe there are two types of people those who are born with confidence and those who grow into their confidence some children have lived the lives they live since they were small and no one ever told them to stop dancing then their are children were raised and told to dim their light, as those children grow older at no age in particular they find that confidence attach yourself to things that lead you in positive directions find confidence in the things that make you happy and run with that and remember attaching yourself to another human does not give you confidence because when he or she is gone you have to be happy with who you are left with and thats YOU. 

 

Thank You Angie for being confident, knowing your worth and loving yourself. You are DOPER than DOPE!!! Follow your heart and your passion, I know you will inspired My confident dolls as you inspired me. I can't wait for our NYC date one day. 

My Confident Dolls, Be Yourself and wear what the F%*k you want to wear, stop thinking about the opinions of others and just DO YOU!!!!! 

   

      A Confident Love From Me To You 

                     Xoxo, Yanika 

    

Make Him A Better KING For You!

I always hear women saying that they need a man to cater to them and give them everything they want and need. I feel that you don't a man to cater to you or give you everything you want and need because you can do that on your own. But never stop and think maybe a man needs a push from his queen to be better for her, or better yet inspire/motivate him to elevate in life to be who he is destined to be. 

We tend to care for just our feelings and not theirs, I can admit that there were times I wouldn't care about my significant other feelings because in my head it was all about me. But over these past  few months I realized that this is a man I prayed for, this is a man that did everything in his power to heal me so I can love again and iam dismissing his feelings because I didn't get what I want. 

Why does it always have to be about you? Why can't you show him that you appreciate him and everything he does for you? Every man needs affection and love just like we do. Tell him, matter of fact remind him that you love him on a daily basis. Stop treating him as if he isn't who you felled in love with. How can you fall in love with someone and not continue to show them that you appreciate them? I get it, we get comfortable and at times we think to ourselves " well he knows I love him so I don't have to show him". As I said before these past few months showed me that I have to show my significant other  that I love him, care for him, that Iam thankful for him and he is the one I would love to be with for the rest of my life on a daily basis and not only when I want something. 

I can't neglect how I feel or stop showing him how I feel for him. You can't always want your significant other to cater to you as you do nothing to show them that they matter to you. It doesn't have to be every single day but show them in any way that you feel may show them your appreciation towards them. How about you cook for them, make his favorite meal. How about pay for date when you both go out, he doesn't always have to pick up the bill, treat him. Give him a massage, I know after a long hard day at work, he just need some relaxation. Think of ways to show your appreciate to him, make him a better man for you. 

Don't wait for someone to cater to you as you do nothing for them. If he is treating you like the Queen that you are as he should than treat him like the King that he is. I remember listening to this sermon on line by Heather Lindsey and she said " When we are single, we pray to God to send us the perfect gentleman but when he does we do things to push him away and than wonder why they hurt us". And I truly believe this, we hurt own heart at times because we do things to push him away not even realizing it. 

Stop waiting for him to do everything to make you happy when you aren't doing anything to make him happy. Any relationship is 50/50, you both have to show love and appreciation to each other. You can't change anyone. It you can inspire and motivate them to make that change so they could be better for you. Inspire him, love him, cherish him and appreciate him so he can be the man that you deserve and need. Make him a BETTER KING for his QUEEN WHICH IS YOU!!! 

    A Confident Love From Me To You  

                     Xoxo, Yanika 

Your Dreams, Your Reality.

For the past few weeks, I have neglected one of the lost important things to me. The one thing that brought me joy and I love with all of me, I have put aside. For what reason there is no reason, I just stopped taking care of it for a while but I shouldn't have. This is something I put my all into, my dream come true, this is what gave me a voice to truly be confident within myself and be an inspiration as well as a voice to others. 

I didn't forget about it but I stop giving it attention and I can't keep putting my dream turned reality in the back of the line when it's suppose to be before anything and everything else that iam doing. I had this dream since I was a little girl and even if I made it come true I still have more to accomplish as far as being an author. MY First book ? Is what I have not been showing love the way that iam suppose to. 

Before anything else, I am an author and this book was made with love, sweat, tears, sacrifice and most of all faith. Especially this version of the book which is the latest version. The first version of the book was released under a publishing company, things didn't work out but I didn't give up. I won't lie, I didn't know how I was going to do it on my own but I knew for a fact that I would do it on my own.  There was no way I was going to give up, I was truly in love with my dreams and I did everything to make it happen again. 

After what happened with the publishing company, I didn't want to trust anyone else. So I decided to be self-published and do everything on my own. I invested my own money, time and everything in me to make this happened. From the book cover, to how many pages the book will consist of, how I wanted the font to be. EVERYTHING I was in charged of. I wanted to have control of everything dealing with the book, it was my dream that I was making a reality for the second time around. The first time the book came out, I was only responsible for writing the book. But from the book cover and everything else, I didn't know nothing about it. 

I believed in myself and I did it. I didn't give up even if at times I felt as if it was too much. I kept  going and proved myself and everyone else that once you believe in your dreams nothing/no one can stop you. For weeks it has been bothering me that I haven't been dedicated to my book, even a few people realized that I wasn't posting anything about the book which was a wake up call for me. 

Iam writing this blog most importantly to remind you that you can make anything that you dream of your reality. If you have a passion, a goal, anything that you want to live the rest of your life doing, DO IT!!! Nothing is impossible to accomplish as long as you believed in yourself.  Never give up and never stop pushing. When your dreams come true because it will, keep on going. Don't get lazy or think things will happen on it's own. I feel that's how I think, well since iam updating the blog every week and posting on Instagram, things will work out on its own. But truth is, it won't. The book is the main key to the blog and the Instagram so I have to keep unlocking every single door with that key until I make it to where I want to make it with the book. And iam talking about the book being on Oprah couch making it, I won't stop and I won't give up. 

So don't doubt yourself, don't give up on yourself and chase your dreams. Stop wishing and telling yourself that you want to make your dreams come true when you have the ability to make it yor reality. It won't be easy but you know it's in your heart and with nothing being impossible to accomplish, YOU CAN DO IT!!! I believe in you so believe in yourself. Life is too short to think back a few years from now to what you could of did. No look back a few years from now and say I DID IT!!!!! 

From now on I will dedicate my blood, sweat  and tears into putting my book first. My book is the key to my success, let your dreams be the key to your success. NEVER GIVE UP and ALWAYS BELEIEVE IN YOURSELF! 

( To purchase a copy of my book, click Purshase my copy on the right side of the blog) 

    

      A Confident Love From Me To You 

                      Xoxo, Yanika 

Confidently Chatting With Sabrina...Reality Star From Lifetime Television Show "Big Women, Big Love"

It was one year ago when I turned in to a show on Lifetime  called " Big Women, Big Love", I was anxious to see what the show was really about. I wanted to see if it was going to shed a positive light on plus size women or shame us. On the very first episode out of five girls, Sabrina was the one that I liked the most. I could tell right away she was real and genuine. I knew she wasn't on the show for fame, she just wanted to express herself and let other women know how it really is looking for love and do it all while being plus size. She was bubbly, funny and just the type of person I would love to hang out with. 

Back in May, I did an event and guess who was one of the guest speakers as well, Sabrina. It was the first time that I met her and she was exactly who she was on TV. She embraced me as if we knew each other for years, she was a sweetheart and most of all humble. She didn't act as if she was a reality star and was better than anyone, she was herself and I knew right away I wanted her to be part of the CIY blog and share with us all about her, her journey and her thoughts about certain things. I asked her a few weeks ago if I could interview her for the blog and she said yes right away. 

Tell me about yourself? (Name, Age, Where you're from, etc.) 

My name is Sabrina Servance,  I'm 31 years old. I'm from a town called Elmont on Long Island. I'm a dorky, fun loving comedian and reality star. 

What do you love most about fashion?

 I love being able to express myself in any way I want to through what I wear. I love how an outfit can convey what I'm feeling. 

What challenges do you face as a plus-size woman in the fashion industry?

I think just like any plus sized woman, I'm judged about my appearance versus my abilities. Especially when I was heavier. People would assume I was incapable of things just because I'm big. Which is ridiculous! You can be stylish at any size! 

How has being on the show helped you advocate for the plus size community? 

Growing up, I didn't know anyone who was going through what I was. Being plus sized and constantly being bullied was hard. The exposure from the show helped me do different speaking engagements where I can talk to women,young and old, about having the confidence to be different and be YOURSELF. I think it has given me the voice I didn't have when I was younger.  I'm trying to be the person I needed when I was growing up. 

On the show, you crowned yourself as "queen of the horrible first dates," but what is the best date you've  had? Why? 

One of my best dates was when a guy took me to Barcade in Williamsburg. I love simple and fun dates! You can't go wrong with beer and old school quarter arcade games! 

Big Women Big Love, sheds light on the challenges some plus-size women may face when searching for love. What did you see as your biggest challenge and how did you overcome it?

My biggest challenge was getting out of my head really. I'm taller than a lot of men I've gone out with and have you seen my hips?! Ha! But seriously, I was always trying to hide myself and it made it super obvious that I didn't love myself. A while before the show I took a break from going on dates and started dating myself. Learning what I liked in myself became my focus. How could I love someone else if I couldn't love myself? I'm not 100% there but dating has gotten a little easier now that I've learned to stop letting how I look and who I am prevent me from happiness!

What advice do you have for women who see their size as a "roadblock" to finding love?

 I say eff it. Life is way too short to spend it worried about what people say about us. Anyone who is worth it will appreciate everything about you, big or small. 

How has being on the show affected you? Has it changed you? How? 

If anything, I have grown as a woman. Filming really helped me reflect on what I needed to work on to make myself a better person.

What can we expect to see from you? What are your future plans? 

I'm hoping to do more speaking engagements . And I definitely plan on modeling more and eventually I will come out with my own line! 

What do you want to see change in the plus size community? 

 I would love for women to stop comparing their bodies to other women's. We are all different for a reason. I also dislike when I see the shaming that goes on, especially on the Internet. We are all entitled to an opinion but I wish people would see that words DO hurt. I think it's unnecessary to trash someone. If you don't like a post, keep scrolling ! We want change but the change starts with us. 

Are you currently in love? What do you love most about yourself? What is one word you will tell women on how to love themselves?

 I'm not in love! I've never had a serious relationship.(Crazy I know!) What I love most about myself is my sense of humor! The one word I'd tell women is to BE. Be fierce, be fabulous, and be YOU.

Will there be a Season 2 of Big women, Big love? ( if possible to share)

We don't know anything yet! But as soon as we find out, you'll know for sure !

Finish this Sentence: Confidence is me because....... 

there's only one me and one life, why waste it not loving who I am?!

From becoming the person she wanted to be when she was younger, being a voice of confident like myself and going for what she believes in. Sabrina you are truly one of a kind with the purest heart, you came on a show to give us hope and courage to be ourselves. I thank you for that, Thank You for being who you are and Confidence Will Always Be YOU!  

My Confident Dolls, Be Yourself, Be Confident and never give up on love but most importantly YOURSELF. 

     ( 1st Time Meeting Sabrina Back in May) 

  

     A Confident Love From Me To You. 

               Xoxo Yanika & Kayla