It's OK not to be OK......

The last blog I posted “Life happens”, I talked about things happening when you least expected. Things you didn’t think would happen suddenly happens but when that happens, how do you deal with it? I’ve realized that in these past few weeks, I haven’t been ok. I get up, smile and just pretend that things are ok when deep down inside, I want to go under a rock and just explode. I guess my strength comes from my son because I don’t want him to see me weak. Despite the fact he is 1 Years Old and he may not understand what’s going on with Mommy, he can sense if something is wrong. I remember crying a few months ago and he came in the room without me knowing and the look he gave me broke my heart even more so I try to remain strong for him. 

I’ve dealt with depression in the past so I know when Iam starting to become too overwhelmed where everything gives me anxiety and annoys me to the max to the point I want to scream. But instead of just letting my screams and tears out, I kept fighting it. I would just tell myself “You’re ok” when I wasn’t ok. The thing is we are all humans and we all go through things and it’s ok if one day or everyday you have to cry and let it out. We are taught to be strong but sometimes being strong isn’t enough and you just have to do what will make you feel better. 

Don't ever feel as not being ok is being weak, you have every right to go through different emotions and just let all out. Everything just didn't go right to me these past few weeks but as Iam writing this blog, Iam better and Iam stronger. The things that I was going through didn't break me and make me weak. I let the tears out and the screams out when I needed to. I talked to those that matters most in my life and would genuinely be there for me. I took time for myself because mentally I needed to. It was ok for me not to be ok and Iam still standing with my crown on straight because I am human and I go through shit which Iam not ashamed to say. 

If you need to let it out and take a day for yourself to figure things out, then do what you HAVE to do for YOURSELF. At times we tend to forget about our well -being and to take care of ourselves. You have to ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF FIRST, I know at times it seems impossible but what I've learned since becoming a mom, in order to be the best person that I can be for my son, I have to take care of me first. You can't take care of others and become a better version of yourself if you don't take care of yourself first. 

So LET IT OUT and believe that what it is that you are going through will only make you STRONGER and there is a lesson to be learned but no matter what you have to have faith. Last week at this time, I was crying my heart out and here I am much stronger and better because I believed that everything in due time will be OK. You will be just fine and everything you thought that was going to break you will only make you stronger. 

                            A Confident love from Me to You

                                      XOXO, Yanika

Life Happens!

Life happens and as much as we plan our lives a certain way more than certain it doesn’t go that way. It’s ok to plan but just keep in mind that things happen that may set back your plans or better yet change your original plans for the better. God has a plan for all of us and sometimes our plans isn’t his plans. We may go through things that make us say" this wasn’t my plan” but what we go through is meant to make us stronger and be a lesson for us to learn so God can give us what is meant for us to have. 

On September 29th, my plans took a left turn when my mother was admitted to the hospital. I had plans to go to the movies that day with MJ but instead I was in an ambulance rushing my mother to the hospital. I won’t go into details on what was wrong with her but she was at the hospital for 5 days which was the some of the toughest days of my life. As much as I wanted her home, I had to leave my faith in God and trust that she will come back home to us ( which she did). I didn’t plan to take a whole week off of work, I didn’t plan  to sit all day at a hospital with my mother, I didn’t  plan to spend my time with MJ at a park across the street from the hospital that week, I didn't plan to not write a blog entry etc. Every thing I planned for that week didn’t happen but it was ok with me, I remained faithful and knew that if it didn’t happen this week, it will happen next week. And if it doesn’t happen, well it wasn’t meant to be. 

You have to remember life has it turns but no matter what stay true to who you are, believe, Have Faith and Never Give Up. Things won’t always be easy but being alive is such a remarkable blessing that we shouldn’t take for granted. While I was at the hospital watching my mother get better, it made me realize to appreciate life more than ever because you never truly know when our  last day will be on this earth. I don’t know about you but just the thought of not knowing when my last day will be alive is very scary to me. 

I don’t want to live a life full of regrets, I have many dreams and goals and I know each day that I am alive, it is another day for me to work towards what is necessary for me to one day say “ I did it because I didn’t give up”. I know that things will happen and I will have a few bumps along the road which I’ve been dealing with for years especially with Confidence Is You but one thing is for sure I NEVER GAVE UP ON MYSELF and I NEVER WILL!  People will give up on you but never give up on yourself. Always be grateful and thankful for it all because things can be worse. I don't complain anymore, I just see things for what it is and be appreciative for it all. 

I am healthy, I am ALIVE, I have an amazing son, I have  amazing family and friends, an amazing Boyfriend, I have a Job, a roof over my head, food on the table, money to pay my bills and the ability to continue doing what I truly love which is writing. I may not be where I want to be in life but Iam thankful for what I have RIGHT NOW. Iam BLESSED and I know life happens but we are capable of moving on when things aren't in our favor which is a blessing. God won't put us where we don't belong, TRUST HIS PROCESS!

As one of my great friends Candice said " They say if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan. Most of the time when things don't work out its just God preparing you for an upgrade. Keep doing what you're doing". You Got This, Confidence Is YOU! 

                             A Confident Love From Me to You

                                              Xoxo, Yanika