I've always been in love with writing, I felled in love with it even more when I moved to New York from Canada. When I moved here since I didn't know the English language, I had to practice writing and reading it everyday for 2 hours with a tutor. The more I would write in English, the more I would fall in love with writing. As years went on I continued to write, I would write in my diary, I would write short stories, poems, songs etc. I truly had a love for writing and knew I wanted to be a writer someday. When it was time for me to choose a major in college, I picked what would best fit the goals I was reaching for and that was Journalism. I knew in my heart that I was destined to be a writer but then situations happened where I lost all of my confidence and stop believing in myself and most of all my dreams. I knew in order for me to be truly happy, I needed to follow my dreams and do what was necessary for me to make them come true.
I continued writing but I knew the things I was going through needed to be told. One summer afternoon while taking a walk with my sister, I started telling her how I want to start a blog or Facebook page where I share my stories to inspire and motivate other women that may be going through the same thing. My sister said "that's a good idea", I started coming up with names and then it hit me confidence starts within us so confidence is you and just like that my brand was born.
I started by writing positive quotes on Facebook and Twitter as well as posting pictures saying how much I am confident and how much I love myself. Within a few weeks, everyone was in love with Confidence Is You. I was happy, I knew this was my calling and this is what I needed to do in order for me to be a writer. Months went by and I continued doing what I was doing then I met someone and next thing you know I was signing my book contract. It happened so fast that I can't remember exactly how I felt but I know for sure I was excited. This person had been following me and seen everything I was doing and wanted to help me make my dreams come true. For a few months I started writing my book for "Confidence Is You". It was so surreal, my dreams of becoming a writer was really coming true.
(the first time I held my book, the 1st edition) 3 months later, I was looking at book cover designs for my book. I just couldn't believe it but I knew that my story was meant to be told and I knew that it would help others find their confidence, their worth as well as the ability to love themselves. In February of 2013 my book was available for the world to buy. I cried tears of Joy that night, I was an author. I was finally complete and 100% happy. Months went by and I was being featured in magazines, going places for appearances regarding the book, I was building my brand and hundreds of women was now saying "Confidence Is You".
In October of 2013, I received an unexpected email from the publishing company stating that starting January 1,2014 my book will no longer be available and that they were going their separate ways. I literally froze on my bed, my heart was racing, I felt as if 1000 bricks fell on top of me. I immediately called my mother and told her what happened, as I started crying to her and telling her my life is over. She simply said " No, it's not. This is just the beginning. Tell them Thank You for everything and how you wish them the best". I couldn't believe it, I kept asking myself what did I do wrong. And once again I started hating myself, I felt embarrassed of course thinking of what other people would say. I replied to the email with what my mother told me to write. I got myself together and said you have a few weeks to keep doing what you were doing until the book became unavailable.
I kept going and didn't give up even tho I knew the date was approaching. For the whole month of December, everyday I cried and truth is no one ever knew. I would just cry asking God to please not take the most important thing in my life away. I prayed and prayed but reality was that no changes were going to be made. When January 1 came, my heart was broken in a million pieces and as I went to click on the links to where my book was being sold at, it was no longer there. I cried for the whole entire day without anyone knowing. I acted as if everything was alright when deep down inside I was incomplete. I was depressed for weeks, I just couldn't believe that my dreams were taking away from me. My mom one day said " You don't need anyone help for your dreams to come true, pick yourself up and republish your book". In my mind it was over but it my heart it wasn't. I knew I was capable of doing it and I knew I could do it but the only thing stopping me was believing in myself.
One day I woke up and started doing some research and find out all the ways to publish my book on my own. It took awhile for me to get the rights to my book but I did. Once I did, I knew it was all the validation I needed to make things happen. I decided I was going to republish the book bigger and even better. I knew that the sitarist ion I was in wasn't the right one for me. But I stayed, it at that very moment I Thank God for closing that door for me since I was too afraid to close it myself. At times God closes doors for you for the better and I knew this was my time. I knew he had bigger plans for myself and "Confidence Is You" but needed me to be on my own. I started pushing myself and believed in myself more than I ever did before. I was capable of doing it and I did. I found a publishing company who would just be responsible for printing my books. I didn't want to be under any other publishing company, I wanted to be self published. In June of 2014, I started talking to the woman who would help me through the process of printing my book.
I knew I had to give it my all, i wanted to go with a new cover, more chapters and just give my Confident Dolls exactly what they wanted. The old cover I loved at the moment but I wasn't in love with it anymore, it didn't portray what Confidence Is You was about. I wanted a cover who didn't only represent myself but a cover that represented all of My Confident Dolls around the world. It was a process because Everytime I thought I was done with it, it just didn't feel right. You can't rush greatness like Jay-Z once said so I took my time. Every month I had a release date but it just didn't feel right until a few weeks ago. I was just thinking to myself one day and December 4th came to mind and that was it. I knew that my book release would be that day and what made it even more special is that it was Jay-Z birthday. So it was only right that greatness would made that day and here I am writing this blog exactly 2 weeks until my book "Confidence is you" comes out.
Never give up on your dreams, it may get tough. You will cry, you will get frustrated, you will get discouraged but I know just like I do, you love all of the moves you are making in knowing the life that you are about to live. It may not make sense now but at the end of it all My Confident Doll, it will all be worth it. I could if given up all because someone else stop believing in me. I am thankful that I didn't give up, I know for a fact God saw something bigger in me and he wanted me to get everything I deserved on my own. keep going, never stop believing in yourself and keep on pushing. My story is my testimony and everything I go through I know greater days will come. Never give up, I will keep on saying it to you. Confidence Is You, Believe in yourself always. Your dreams are meant to come true, nothing in this life is impossible to accomplish.
A Confident Love From Me To You
Xoxo Yanika
