The last blog I posted “Life happens”, I talked about things happening when you least expected. Things you didn’t think would happen suddenly happens but when that happens, how do you deal with it? I’ve realized that in these past few weeks, I haven’t been ok. I get up, smile and just pretend that things are ok when deep down inside, I want to go under a rock and just explode. I guess my strength comes from my son because I don’t want him to see me weak. Despite the fact he is 1 Years Old and he may not understand what’s going on with Mommy, he can sense if something is wrong. I remember crying a few months ago and he came in the room without me knowing and the look he gave me broke my heart even more so I try to remain strong for him.
I’ve dealt with depression in the past so I know when Iam starting to become too overwhelmed where everything gives me anxiety and annoys me to the max to the point I want to scream. But instead of just letting my screams and tears out, I kept fighting it. I would just tell myself “You’re ok” when I wasn’t ok. The thing is we are all humans and we all go through things and it’s ok if one day or everyday you have to cry and let it out. We are taught to be strong but sometimes being strong isn’t enough and you just have to do what will make you feel better.
Don't ever feel as not being ok is being weak, you have every right to go through different emotions and just let all out. Everything just didn't go right to me these past few weeks but as Iam writing this blog, Iam better and Iam stronger. The things that I was going through didn't break me and make me weak. I let the tears out and the screams out when I needed to. I talked to those that matters most in my life and would genuinely be there for me. I took time for myself because mentally I needed to. It was ok for me not to be ok and Iam still standing with my crown on straight because I am human and I go through shit which Iam not ashamed to say.
If you need to let it out and take a day for yourself to figure things out, then do what you HAVE to do for YOURSELF. At times we tend to forget about our well -being and to take care of ourselves. You have to ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF FIRST, I know at times it seems impossible but what I've learned since becoming a mom, in order to be the best person that I can be for my son, I have to take care of me first. You can't take care of others and become a better version of yourself if you don't take care of yourself first.
So LET IT OUT and believe that what it is that you are going through will only make you STRONGER and there is a lesson to be learned but no matter what you have to have faith. Last week at this time, I was crying my heart out and here I am much stronger and better because I believed that everything in due time will be OK. You will be just fine and everything you thought that was going to break you will only make you stronger.
A Confident love from Me to You
XOXO, Yanika
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