Yessenia...My Soul Sister On Growth, MotherHood & Sobriety

It was Year 2000 when we both entered high school not knowing a soul. I remember the first time I saw her, she seemed quiet but boy was I wrong. I don’t remember exactly when we first started talking but all I knew is that we clicked right away. We went from not knowing each other just a few weeks ago to speaking on the phone for hours as if we weren’t just in school together. 

From sleepovers, traveling together, going through heartbreaks together, being there for each other during the happiest and greatest times in our lives, Becoming each other’s son Mina, uplifting each other, our families being one, living our best and wild lives, just so many memories created in the past 19 years, I can’t see my life without her and Iam truly blessed to call her my sister and not just my best friend. 

As I was thinking of who to feature for this month, she instantly came to mind. In the past few years, I’ve seen her become better, I seen her growth blossoming into more of beautiful being than she was before, her strength inspires me, her determination and her passion is remarkable. Her heart and soul is pure, she is pure, she is real, she is raw, she is loved, she is Yessenia, a mother, sister, daughter, friend, My Best Friend, and much more. Here is HER STORY! 

Who is Yessenia?

-Yessenia is a 33 yr old woman from Brooklyn. I am many things and I have come to accept who I am along the way. We change everyday so the Yessenia I was yesterday might not be who you meet today. But my core (soul) is loving and understanding with a sprinkle of petty, lol

 What does self care mean to you? What are some things you do for your own self care?

-Self care to me is something that should be everyone's top priority. This gets confused with being selfish. A lot of people feel bad for caring for themselves. Self care is knowing when to say No and not feeling guilty for it. Its taking the time to do things for yourself. We all have the right to care for ourselves the way we do for others.

-Some things that I do for my own self care is: read, write, go for long walks (I'm talking milesss), throw on a mask, listen to music, taking myself out on dates (which I think everyone should do more often), talk things out with a friend, practice saying No and making sure i tell myself every morning "YOU'RE A BAD BITCH!"

 What does self love mean to you? How do you show yourself love?

-I think self love and self care go hand in hand. I can't care for myself if I do not love myself. Self love to me is believing in myself and accepting every layer of me. I show myself love by paying attention to how I speak to myself, We tend to be quick to point out the things we don't like about ourselves. So every morning I look in the mirror and point out the things I love. Its amazing how powerful our words are. Try it! You'll see your smile grow.

What does growth mean to you? How important is it for someone to accept growth? What would you tell someone afraid to grow?

-Growth is an everyday thing. Its never ending. Growth to me is acceptance of one self. In order for anyone to grow they have to learn to accept themselves. Every layer. Without that you'll be stuck. Its important to be honest with yourself. Dig deep. It can be scary but there's growth outside your comfort zone. Take YOUR journey one day at a time. Write out all the things you been sweeping under the rug. Those feelings have to be felt and released. We have to feel in order to heal. With healing comes growth. There's no need to beat ourselves up for our traumas or emotions. Its important to have faith in ourselves. The same way we have faith in others.

Motherhood isn't easy but is truly the most rewarding. What challenges did you face being a single mother? What kept you going to be the best mother you can be? What sacrifices did you make? What advice would you tell someone raising their child on their own?

-I had my son when I was 22yrs old which is still pretty young. Was I ready? Absolutely not. But even at that age I felt something deep inside tell me I had to have him. I was single throughout my pregnancy and it was the happiest experience. After having my son is when the challenges came in. Going to appointments alone and all other things parents have to do. My biggest challenge is making sure my son is emotionally stable. As he gets older his concerns come out. I learned early on I wanted to be vocal with him. Honesty goes a long way. We talk every night before bed about his feelings. BOYS CAN CRY! I can't stress that enough. I always struggle with whether I am doing enough because I often have to pull the weight of Mom & Dad. But that's what also kept me going. There was no way I was going to fall short. His happiness and heart keep me going. Not cause he is my kid but he truly is one of the best kids I know. That in itself is the best reward. My advice to anyone becoming a single parent or co-parenting, be honest. (I talk about honesty a lot. Its the core of everything) Speak your truth. Speak up. Surround yourself with amazing people to lean on. I was blessed with a great support team. It reminds you that you're not alone. It takes a village to raise a child. Nothing nor no one is perfect. Remove that from your vocabulary. Allow your child(ren) to express themselves to you. You'll both be growing together. 

SOBRIETY, What does the word mean to you? How important is this word to you? Briefly share your journey to sobriety and how important it is to you now that you're 2 yrs sober?

-Sobriety to me now means a way of living. When I first started it was a word I repeated and focused on. I do not need to do that any more. In the beginning I gave this word power because I needed something to hold on to. Now where I am mentally, spiritually and physically sobriety is just a word. I transferred that power to myself at the end of last year entering this year. There's an awakening/clarity that happens along anyone's journey that allows you to flow and trust yourself more. I made the decision to be sober more than once. This wasn't a one time thing. 2017 was my about my 3rd or 4th time trying. I would never make it pass my birthday, I had been drinking since I was 17 (sorry mom lol) basically half of my life. My dad was an alcoholic and passed away when I was 9. As soon as I had the chance I drank to numb feelings I couldn't numb before. I was on a hidden spiral. No one saw it as an issue. Idk what clicked in 2017. A different kind of determination. I stuck with it. I feel the best I've ever felt. I have gotten to know myself more and learned to love every part of me. I'll be going into my 3rd year right when the ball drops for 2020. Link on my IG, oooh_yess , page to my medium account where I have three pieces sharing my journey if you'd like to read more on it.

What would you tell someone afraid to get the proper help they need to overcome an addiction that they have?

-First, everyone's addiction and how they handle it isn't the same. What works for one might not work for someone else. Not many people can stop cold turkey like I did. Being afraid is ok. Once we get this notion that we must be happy 24/7 out our ends we can begin to feel. I personally had to speak about it to overcome it. We are much bigger than our issues/addictions. Most addiction hotlines or programs are anonymous. There's always someone willing to listen. Take a friend, family member or anyone in your life with you to gather information. Be open with yourself. The first step is admitting you have a problem. If you can't see that or admit to it you'll have a very hard time stopping. Remember you are not alone. I always offer my DMs to anyone that needs someone to just listen. 9 times out of 10 there is someone close to you going through something similar.

What are some of the things that you did to overcome alcoholism?

-For my first year I didn't go out to events/parties/bars. If I thought about drinking I'd make a tea, workout or hit a friend up. I tried to find other things to do. I practiced saying NO. Drinking is such a social thing that it can be hard to say NO. Own your decision. I also started to pour love into my passion which is photography. I made sure I spoke about my addiction more. Along the journey you will realize you are more than your addiction. That power will help you overcome anything.

Your passion for photography is inspiring, who inspires you? What inspires you? When did you fall in love with photography?

-I love photography because no one takes the same photo. If someone else and myself take a photo of a bridge it won't look the same. Editing is different, the angle and how its presented. I was the girl in HS with a camera always taking photos of my friends in the hallway and on trips. I love to capture things through my eyes. My surrounds inspire me. I see art in everything and everyone. I wanted to get into photography because growing up when my dad was mad he'd cut his face out of photos. (weird I know lol) I grew to want to capture more in a sense to replace those cut up photos. I fell in love with it after having my son. You never want to lose those moments. He hates it but he'll appreciate it when he is older.

What are some future goals? What are some changes you want to make for yourself for the near future?

-Some future goals I have is to do street photography and raw portraits. I like to capture people as they are. A lovely apartment for my son and I. A job I love which would involve photography or helping people. Some changes I want to make are more personal, having to do with self. Less procrastinating. Build a different relationship with money. But our paths aren't races. The more we think that way the less actually gets done. I always feel like I am never progressing when in fact I am.

What is one thing you would tell your younger self at each age? 15,18,21,25

-At each of those ages I would tell my younger self the same thing, you're not less than anyone else. Listen to yourself and people pleasing will set you back. Believe in yourself and your dreams.

Confidence is YOU because...I got my power back and there is no one that can ever take that away ever again.  

Almost 2 decades we have known each other and I appreciate every second she has been in my life. It's hard to find genuine people in your life to love you unconditionally for who you are flaws and all, support you in every way possible ( She is one of my BIGGEST cheerleaders), push you when you don't even want to push yourself and be there every step of the way. Iam Thankful for HER, Ive been there through it all with her but no matter what she keep going, she keep pushing. She doesn't let anything defeat her because she know who she is as a women and what her strengths are.

I can say over the past 2 and a half years, her growth, her strength and her determination out of life took a huge turn for the better in a remarkable way. She has help me through so much and her strength shows me that I'll always  be OK. Life will throw curveballs at you but you have to kick ass no matter what. Put yourself first, follow your heart, do what makes you happy always and live life to the fullest with no regrets. Jesse keep inspiring, Keep being you. The best is yet to come & every step of the way, I'll be there. I LOVE YOU! 

     

                                                  A Confident Love From Me To You
                                                                     Xoxo, Yanika